A Merry Heart

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Proverbs 17:22

THE ART OF CONVERSATION

Trying to get a word in edgewise with some people is like trying to thread a sewing machine with the motor running.

**********************************************************************

We like the fellow who says he's going to make a long story short - and does.

**********************************************************************

Did you hear about the new new toothpaste that has shoe polish in it? It is for anyone who puts his foot in his mouth.

**********************************************************************

Q: "What's more clever than speaking several languages?"

A: "Keeping your mouth shut in one."

**********************************************************************

When you are in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut.

**********************************************************************

He who has a sharp tongue usually cuts his own throat.

**********************************************************************

You should hear her talk when she is driving. I bet she gets 2,000 words per gallon.

**********************************************************************

A wise man once said that the best way to save face is to keep the bottom part of it closed.

**********************************************************************

AT THE RESTAURANT

Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir?"

Customer: "I just lifted one of the brussel sprouts and there it was!"

**********************************************************************

"Waiter, why in the world do you have your finger on top of my steak?"

"So it won't fall off the plate again, sir."

**********************************************************************

Waiter: "May I help you with that soup, sir?"

Sailor: "What do you mean, help me? I don't need any help."

Waiter: "Sorry; from the sound I thought you might wish to be dragged ashore."

**********************************************************************

Customer: "Waiter! There's a fly in my soup."

Waiter: "That's strange. There were two of them when I left the kitchen."

**********************************************************************

Customer: "Waiter, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"

Waiter: "You certainly came to the right place."

**********************************************************************

Customer: "This food is terrible. I won't eat it! You had better get the manager."

Waiter: "Won't do any good, mister. The manager won't eat it either."