A Merry Heart

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Proverbs 17:22

Pizza parlor waiter: "Do you want me to cut this pizza into six or eight pieces?"
Hillbilly: "You'd better make it six. I don't think I can eat eight pieces."

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First hillbilly: "Heard you joined the Navy. Did you volunteer for submarine service?"
Second hillbilly: "No way, man, I don't want to get on a ship that sinks on purpose."

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First hillbilly: "What in the world is a Walkie-talkie?"
Second hillbilly: "That's easy. It's the opposite of sittie-stillie."

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As the two hillbillies were walking down the road, one said: "You and I have been friends for a long time, Jeb. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Wilbur, we certainly are the best of friends. Ask me anything you like."
Wilbur: "If you had ten thousand dollars would you give me half?"
Jeb: "Sure I would. You know that, seeing that we are the best of friends."
Wilber: "Well, if you had a thousand dollars, would you give me half?"
Jeb: "Sure, Wilber, you know that if I had a thousand dollars I would give you half."
Wilbur: "That's great. Can I ask you one more question?"
Jeb: "Sure, man, I told you to ask me anything at all, since we are the best of friends."
Wilbur: "Well, if you had ten dollars would you give me half?"
Jeb: "Ah man, what are you saying? You know I have ten dollars!"

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A tourist who was passing through Kentucky stopped at a gas station. While the car was being serviced he noticed a piece of rope hanging from a pole on the side of the garage. The tourist walked up to an old-timer and asked, "What is the purpose of that rope?"
"That's a weather gauge, Sonny," the old-timer replied.
"How can you possibly tell the weather with a piece of rope?"
"Easy. When it swings back and forth, it's windy. When it gets wet, it's raining."